Staying Open
I’m sure many of us have heard the expression, “Whatever we resist, persists.” What does that mean and how does the act of resisting cause the very thing we wish to go away, to keep hanging around. In fact, it becomes even more overwhelming and takes up more and more of our time, mind space, and energy. To begin to understand this let’s start with a story.
You and a friend decide you’d like to spend the day together, just the two of you. You haven’t seen each other for a while so you’re really looking forward to catching up on what been happening in your lives. For years, though, there’s always been an underlying friction in your relationship, and you could never figure out exactly why. So today you are determined to shift the dynamic, just have fun, and make a precious memory by simply enjoying each other’s company. You both decide to pack up a picnic lunch and maybe a bottle of your favorite wine. There’s a beautiful park a few miles away so you decide on that picturesque place for your destination. You find a table by the lake so you can watch the ducks and the swans as they gently glide across the water.
You sit down next to each other and spread out all the delicious food you prepared for your special time together. You are feeling so peaceful and grateful for this chance to reconnect with each other. You both begin to look all around and talk about the beauty in the natural and pristine place. You marvel at the color of the azure blue sky and remark that one of the fluffy white clouds looks like a puppy with floppy ears. You notice how a graceful egret moves slowly along the banks of the lake carefully searching for a late afternoon snack. There’s a feeling of expansion you experience as you take in every beautiful moment unfolding around and between the two of you.
You begin sharing what’s been going on in your lives and you laugh together and sometimes shed a tear or two as you discuss some of the challenges you have been going through. Suddenly your friend says, “Oh look at those two teenagers. They kind of remind me of us when we were that age. You laugh and say, “Yeah, remember when we had a silly fight about “the boy” that we both liked. Geez did we go a little crazy or what?” Your comment is returned with dead silence. Suddenly the energy between you turns icy cold. Your friend’s expression turns from joy to anger, and she closes like a metal vault in Fort Knox.
“Hey,” what’s wrong you ask. “Are you still holding on to that stuff. It was a long time ago. Maybe it’s about time we talked about it.”
More silence roars like an angry lion, as your friend turns away from you and looks in the opposite direction clearly refusing to talk about what happened. You were both nineteen and liked the same cute boy. He decided to choose you, and you and the boy later married and had children together. You thought she was finally over it. After all it was years ago. You then become angry at her refusal to at least try to talk about the elephant in the room that never seems to go away.
“Well, here we go again,” you bark. “Maybe if we just faced this painful memory, we could put it behind us. As long as we don’t it will always be a wedge between us. I miss you. I miss us and what we had.”
Your words are met with more silence. Clearly the wall was back up again, and the resistance was stronger than ever. The beautiful day and potential happy memory transforms once again to a persistent and immovable block that keeps two, once close friends, from sharing their love and from being authentically there for each other.
Life is filled with all kinds of situations. Some are wonderful, some are annoying, and some are deeply painful. If we only open to the good times and close or resist the ones, we determine are “bad,” we will miss the opportunities to learn from them, evolve as a soul and as a human being. How can we do this when we are much more inclined to push away our challenges so as to avoid the pain associated with them?
The best way, I believe is through understanding. As we are aware, we are an eternal soul having a human experience. We chose this journey just as much for the adversities as for the pleasures this world can offer. As a matter a fact, it is through the adversities that we are afforded the greatest opportunities for growth. Our challenges are most likely pre-planned by our soul so that we can move forward exponentially on our spiritual path. Resisting them will never make them disappear.
In the above situation the relationship between these two individuals may, most likely continue to become more distant. Yet the same kind of challenge and lesson that was seemingly avoided will almost undoubtedly turn up in a different experience at another time. Perhaps the lesson was forgiveness for one, and for the other compassion and empathy, but for sure there was a lesson for both. The longer we resist something, it will persist until we finally decide to turn, face our fear or pain, work through the difficult circumstance, and then learn the lesson it came to teach us.
This is much easier said than done when addressed from a purely human or ego perspective, of course. The ego thrives on opposition and comparing itself to others. It is also almost always driven by fear and wants to win or come out on top at all costs. It will engage the ego of its apparent opponents, and when that happens, no one really wins. Fear causes us to behave in ugly ways and to fill our minds with dark and sometimes hateful thoughts, even if we are normally a kind and compassionate person. There is always a negative cost or consequence to each soul even if there appears to be an evident victor.
When we respond from a soulful perspective, we refuse to choose fear. We deny our ego the opportunity to lash out or misbehave like an out-of-control toddler having a temper tantrum. Even in the midst of a frightening situation we talk calmly to ourselves and our fearful ego. It might go something like this.
“Ok, I know this is scary. It’s ok. We’ve been through difficult times before. Stay present. Stay aware of what’s happening and whatever you do, don’t jump head- first into the drama. Don’t’ close! Stay open! Always stay open to all of life! You know this! Nothing is either bad or good. It is all about the lessons and the journey of our soul. The tough stuff always turns out to be the most precious treasures for our soul. It’s times like this when we need to remember. Just remember! We are not the pain or the adversity. We are the soul, the observer that is aware of what is happening in the forefront of our life, so observe and stay aware! Ok, now breathe! Take a few deep breaths and then we’ll ask our team of light for assistance. We can ask them, not necessarily to fix the situation, but to help us to face the challenge with clarity, peace of mind, and acceptance. Ask for the courage and grace to stay true to our immortal nature and remain firmly positioned on the seat of our soul. Let life, let this situation pass through us without getting stuck inside so it can continue to cause us pain. We can do this.”
I know how hard it is to accomplish this, especially when tragedy strikes. We may not be entirely successful, but it just might take the edge off for a moment or two or three. The more we practice nonresistance the more life moves through us, and our lives become a spiritual testament to love and peace. We become the dance and our lives are the dancers. The light of truth, the answers, and our peace of mind is always found in the present moment. If we fly off into the illusionary past or future those answers remain where we left them, and we’ll never find them until we return home to ourselves and to the eternal now. We are stronger together than we are apart. As lightworkers, let us consciously join our unifying light and fervently commit to be there for each other both in person and in spirit. We got this.