The Science and Energy of Compassion
If you read my previous blog about empathy, then you know that empathy is our ability to understand and share the pain of another. When someone is suffering, whether it’s a close family member, friend, or even a stranger and we are able to really connect to what they are feeling on a visceral level, that is empathy. Most of us are capable of empathy on some level. For those of us who are empaths, we experience empathy in a way that feels like “empathy on steroids.” We usually enter the pain so deeply that it can be unhealthy for us if we’re not careful. It’s important to consciously separate the pain of others from our own. Otherwise, we can take on that pain as our own and it can be very confusing and tumultuous.
As a massage therapist and working so closely with people’s energy, I have to make a conscious effort to protect myself with light in order to keep myself from absorbing my patient’s pain whether physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual.
Compassion is not only understanding and sharing someone’s pain, but also a desire to take action and be of service. When we actually go a step beyond simply desiring to help and actually reaching out and trying to ease the suffering of others something more results. People who have a high level of compassion motivation find it inconceivable not to “live to give.” Offering compassion to someone during a time of great suffering and heartache is one of the greatest gifts we can give to others and to ourselves. When I was in the hospital after hernia surgery and very ill, I was truly suffering in a way I had never experienced before. I was in constant pain emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
The level of compassion offered to me by the various doctors and nurses varied widely. I’m not sure why. Sometimes I felt as if it was hard for some of the nurses and doctors who felt empathy for me, but for some reason were unable to get too close to my pain, so they kept their distance emotionally. When that happened, I felt so alone and isolated in my suffering. Then there were the ones who felt deep empathy for me, but also came to my side, put their hand on my shoulder and assured me that everything would be ok. Others simply allowed me to express what I was feeling and the fears that came up as I wondered if I would survive the ordeal. I can’t tell you how much that little bit of compassion meant to me. I immediately felt better, calmer, more optimistic, and stronger.
In my spiritual work and teachings, I talk a lot about how important it is for all of us to be kind, compassionate, and to “live to give” or in other words to be of service to other people and the world. I personally found that entering into a person’s pain through empathy and then offering whatever comfort, compassion, wisdom, or just an ear to listen or a soft touch to let them know they were not alone, helped both of us tremendously. From a scientific perspective I thought there had to be some kind of biological response happening, but I wasn’t sure what.
I recently found a fantastic book called Wonder Drug that was written by two medical doctors, Dr. Anthony Mazzarelli and Dr. Stephen Trzeciak. They teamed up together to do clinical research on the effect of kindness, compassion, and serving others on our overall health, wellness and joy. Their research was data- driven. They say that it is not a spiritual or self-help book, but instead it is a medical book offering information based on their scientific findings. However, though I haven’t finished reading it completely yet, I can tell you firsthand that it speaks to your soul. I am going to attempt to explain what I’ve learned as best I can, but I strongly urge you to read this book since I am not a scientist and describing their findings scientifically is a bit difficult for me. This book, in my opinion, is life changing.
It turns out that empathy and compassion, though intrinsically linked together, have two very different effects on our brain. Empathy stimulates the receptors in the brain associated with pain which means that when we enter a person’s pain through empathy, we ourselves are in pain. On the other hand, when we consciously decide to take action through our empathy, reach out to the person who is suffering and offer authentic compassion, perhaps a gentle touch, understanding and kindness, our brain responds differently. The receptors in our brain that are associated with joy and happiness respond and allow us to feel good about trying to help someone and this also allows the person we are comforting to feel better as well. It turns out that there is a coupling of each of our brains, between us and those we try to help, and it has tremendously positive effects on both our lives.
In the book, they talk about how some of us wonder how doctors, who are pediatric oncologists, can handle the day-to-day emotional roller coaster and intense pain experienced by their patients and their families. The authors explain that medical personnel handle the stress in different ways. Some may either move to another field of medical practice, or cope by keeping their distance from the pain and become somewhat robotic. This is sometimes described as poor bedside manner. In the book, Wonder Drug, they describe how doing so can easily cause burnout and one can begin to not enjoy being a doctor. They also say that the best and most effective way to prevent that is by developing not only good empathy, but also a high level of compassion. Through offering authentic compassion, it helps everyone … the patients, their families, and the doctors themselves. The joy and happiness receptors release the appropriate hormone to make them all feel better.
I discovered the wonderful expression, “live to give,” from this terrific book. Through the research and the data they accumulated, they found that service to others through kindness, empathy, and compassion can help us all to live a healthier, happier, and more abundant life overall. However, it must be authentic. Trying to offer compassion responses simply in an attempt to benefit ourselves does not have the same effect. I can tell your personally, though I did not know any of this science, that after a session where I have fully entered into a person’s pain, listened and then offered them compassion as well as the wisdom, knowledge and truth I have discovered through my own pain, I feel uplifted. I can also feel the shift in the person’s energy as they feel validated, and reminded of how strong and powerful they are, that they are not alone, and I am there to help in any way I can. We both feel energized and a deep sense of fulfillment and joy.
All of this can be related back to the fact that we are all connected to each other by the divine and infinite light of our Creator. It makes perfect sense that when we take action and go out into the world with the intention to be of service to others, we all heal a little more and we all remember what it feels like to be a unified being. We are one! There is only one of us here! We weren’t meant to walk this walk or take this journey alone. We need each other far more than most of us realize.
The bottom line here is for us to always remember the importance of “living to give” in this world. Sometimes we feel deep empathy for people on the other side of the world who are suffering. There isn’t much we can do from where we are except pray for them, assist financially, if appropriate, or through our energy send them an abundance of love and compassion. Yet, offering people empathy and compassion in our day to day lives helps us cope when we feel a bit helpless to take away a person’s or group of people’s suffering.
Empathy and compassion are like two sides of the same coin. When practiced consistently together they can help us all live a more joyful and purposeful life!