Sadness, Sorrow, and Gratitude

One of the hardest things for me to define is the difference between sadness and sorrow. They seem like two words meaning the same thing, but I knew they felt different and due to my inquisitory nature, that must know the answer to everything, I needed to explore this. The dictionary definition between the two doesn’t help much either. It says that sadness is a state of unhappiness while sorrow is a sense of deep distress, disappointment, or sadness. Then, sorrow is just a more intense feeling of sadness. So, there’s not much difference or is there?

So, how does gratitude fit into this discussion. Can a state of gratitude negate or wash away our feelings of sadness or sorrow? Is it possible to be deeply sorrowful and grateful simultaneously? Maybe gratitude is more a state of mind and a source of intention rather than a feeling. We can choose to be grateful for what we have or ungrateful for what we don’t have.

My pursuit of this topic was from a spiritual perspective because sadness and sorrow are two emotions that can either move us closer to our Creator or farther away. They are also two of the most difficult emotions to bear, and the feelings that they generate can lead us on a more spiritual path or down a dark road of bitterness and anger. Those dark feelings can cause us to behave in ways that are in complete contrast to the love that we innately and infinitely are.

We all feel sadness no matter how young or old we are. Some reasons for sadness seem trivial to most of us but for some they can feel devastating. Why? The answer to that question could be the topic for an entire book. I’m not a mental health professional so I can not address this from that perspective. Yet, I am a spiritual teacher, and I can tell you that our past lives can deeply affect our reaction or response to events, or circumstances. If for example, our husband or wife in a past life left us for another person, we may have deep fears of abandonment and betrayal in this life. Those fears can affect how much trust we are able to have while in a relationship. If we were betrayed again in this life our level of sadness and sorrow would probably be pretty much “off the charts.”

Another thing that affects how we react to sad or sorrowful times is the configuration of our soul energy. Some souls are fierce and definitive about their purpose and their reactions to sad or sorrowful events may seem unemotional where, in reality, it is simply the way their energy expresses itself. This can seem to help that person move on more quickly from sad experiences, but they eventually come to realize it is taking much longer to process how deeply they were affected by them.

Some souls, like me respond quite emotionally to sadness and sorrow both personally and collectively. I am an empath which means I feel and sense things on a much deeper level that most people. This can be both a gift and a detriment. I sense and know things before they happen, or I can hear the real truth beneath the words that someone is speaking. In the context of this discussion, I react and respond quite emotionally to all the sadness and sorrow throughout the world. Reacting with such high emotions can cause quite a tumultuous and turbulent time. However, once I work through my emotions and figure out what the purpose for the circumstance was and how I can grow from it, I can then process it and move on.

The thing, for me that separates sadness from sorrow it this. When we are sad, it is usually about a circumstance that is temporary and once its over and we calm down our sadness dissipates. Even an unwanted divorce and the sadness one feels about losing the person they loved will eventually dissipate because sooner or later we will realize that that person was not the divine design for us during this lifetime. If he or she was, they wouldn’t have left. So, once we come to the realization that it was not meant to be, happiness and appreciation for life can return.

However, if something happens like a sudden unexpected death or even a death after a long illness of someone we deeply loved, the sorrow may linger for the rest of our lives. Why? I think it’s because, by the standards and through the perspective of the temporary physical world, death is permanent. We can’t fix it. No matter how hard we pray that person has gone home, and we will not see them again until we go home as well. That kind of endless sorrow can evoke deep, breathtaking sobs many, many years after the passing.

So, does this mean that in the above situation, we will never be happy ever again? Not at all. Here’s where gratitude comes in. Learning to be grateful for littlest of things at as early an age as possible is the elixir that will help us get through the times of devastating sadness and endless sorrow. I have a neighbor who, for me, is one of the greatest heroes I know. She lost her husband, the love of her life, in May of 2012. She was devastated beyond belief. Her grief was heartbreaking and so difficult to watch. Yet, we could only love her and try to support her through her pain, nothing more.

Yet she took her grief and the intense love she has for her husband and decided to live as fiercely as she could. She renovated her house so that her one daughter and their growing family could live in the main part, and she built a lovely apartment for herself. Her other daughter is married and also has a child, and she is intimately and voraciously involved in their lives. She’s active in her church and has dozens of devoted friends with whom she travels with and just enjoys their company. She loves flowers and every spring I see her outside on her knees planting and tending to her new garden for the season. Every Christmas she brings us a poinsettia and every Easter pansies or some other beautiful spring plant. Her faith was and is strong and it allowed her to see through her grief the light and healing that would come from living in a state of gratitude. She is grateful for the sun that shines, the rain that grows her flowers and the hugs from her kids and grandkids for that is what makes her life joyful and happy. Will the sorrow ever leave her heart? I don’t think so, but I know how proud her husband must be for how she chose to go on not just living but enjoying every moment God has gifted to her while here on earth.

So, basically sadness and sorrow kind of blend together like paint spattered on a canvas. We will all experience it, some more than others but what will always be there for us in our darkest hour is gratitude for our many blessings.

By the way, keeping a gratitude journal is one great way to always practice being grateful. Even if one day your gratitude came from something as simple as a stranger who you let go ahead of you in traffic blew you a kiss as she drove by. Yes, that happened to me the other day. I smile every time I think about it. Let us all look around us every day and make note of all we are grateful for.

Today and every day, I am grateful for all of you!