Managing Stress … Ego Reaction or Soulful Response
As I stare at the blank computer screen, trying to uncover what my team of light and my soul want me to write about, my thoughts keep drifting back to the night before. My husband and I met some friends at a local beach to watch the 4th of July fireworks. It was a beautiful evening. The sea was calm, and the skies were still trying to blow away the clouds that had insisted on spewing buckets of rainwater for the last several days. Yet even the clouds were soft and wispy as they peacefully drifted across the heavens, allowing the light of the sun peek out and dance upon the waves as it slowly descended into the night sky.
As we edged closer to the start of the fireworks, more and more families with lots of children arrived contributing to the laughter and squeals from tiny voices as they played in the surf and tossed beach balls on the sand. Life was good and everything seemed to be in perfect order in that peaceful present moment. Finally, the last hurrah of the setting sun allowed it to slip beneath the horizon and the beach was dark and poised with anticipation. The fireworks were spectacular. We all watched as small shooting lights rose up from the shoreline and exploded into a dazzling display of color that looked like millions of tiny sparkling stars. We all became children in that moment mesmerized and lost in the wonder and magic all around us.
Later that evening, when we got home, a short phone call pierced the bubble of my revelry and joy. Someone I love and care deeply about did something that changed my thoughts from calm to chaotic. In an instant, tears pooled in my eyes as an emotional dagger impaled my heart, leaving me wounded and in pain. The hurt and agonizing feelings overwhelmed me, and the full weight of my humanity became almost too much to bear. My chaotic thoughts vacillated between anger and deep sadness. My soul urged me to stay present, stay aware and don’t get lost in the ego’s attempt to increase the drama and strengthen the storm brewing within me.
I managed to still the waters and calm my thoughts but the sorrow in my heart was my companion as I fitfully drifted off to sleep. I awoke this morning at 5:00 AM. The energetic blade was still deep in my breast and ethereal blood, still seeping from the open wound. My thoughts picked up where they left off the night before until I heard the sweet voice of my soul.
“How long are you willing to continue suffering? Are you even sure you know what the intention and motivations were behind what happened? It’s up to you whether you continue to leave the dagger in place and allow it to keep you imprisoned in a perpetual loop of rumination and torment, or to remove it and maybe get more of the facts. Do you think this could be an exact ego moment that you talk about so often?”
Bingo! I suddenly understood and remembered how easy it is to be mentally hijacked by even the smallest, most inconsequential things. I realized that what happened in one fleeting moment was just that, inconsequential except for the painful consequences I created for myself. The incident definitely caused me pain but with the light of a new day, I alone became the perpetrator continuing to inflict pain through my dysfunctional thinking, rash judgement and by reliving the moment over and over in my mind.
The temple of my soul’s light was calling, and I entered it seeking the solace, wisdom, and spiritual understanding that had been lost to me while shackled in the dark cavern of my egoic mind. The stillness and silence of that magical place, that is available to all of us, was filled with glorious light and infinite love. As I moved deeper into its caring embrace, the angst and torment ceased. I felt the presence of the Divine and my devoted team of light that never abandon me, even when I make the same mistakes over and over. I felt no judgement only compassion, acceptance, and love. Once I liberated myself from the ego’s snare, my clarity returned. I realized that my reaction to what happened had little to do with the present moment and everything to do with the pain of my illusionary past. There was no malice or intent to hurt me by the person in question. However, my ego took full advantage of an opportunity to try to knock me unconscious and hurl me into the turbulence of its maladapted thinking.
I only share this story with you all because I think it’s important to remember that being on a spiritual path doesn’t make us immune to the difficulties of the human experience. Along with the tremendous opportunities to evolve and grow that arise from our adversities, come the challenge of not allowing those adversities to have the opposite intended outcome. No matter how long we have been pursuing and living a spiritually mindful life, we never cease to be vulnerable to the myriad of negative emotions that threaten our commitment to remain the awareness and observer of our trials, not the victim. Why? Because we are human as well as spirit for as long as we remain here on the earth plane.
After emerging from my sacred space within, I felt overwhelmed with forgiveness and compassion for not only the person who unintentionally hurt me, but also for myself who was duped, once again, by my painful past. My occastional, harsh self-judgement was quelled as the light of my soul offered me kindness and appreciation for always staying the course and traversing the storms of my life with determination and resolve. This particular storm was really only a strong gust of wind that could have overtured my vessel and tossed me into a turbulent sea of perpetual torment, but it didn’t. I stayed at the helm and safely navigated it into calmer seas and bluer skies.
Through this whole thing, which was really just a blip on the radar of my life, I was reminded that we need to always be kind and gentle with ourselves. At times, no matter how much we believe we may have fallen short of our intended goal of living a spiritually mindful life, it is never helpful to berate or ridicule ourselves. Instead, we can take every opportunity to lift up and into our arms our wounded and confused inner child who is lost and weeping at times. We can tenderly embrace and treat that part of us as we would our own children or any innocent being who is merely seeking kindness, compassion, and understanding, so it can grow with ever increasing confidence and purpose. The point of power is always in the present moment. At any time, we can choose to soulfully respond to our stresses rather than emotionally reacting to them. When we respond, we step fully into our authentic power. So, no matter what challenges are occurring in the forefront of our lives, we can still shine our magnificent light for ourselves and for all the world to see. When we do, the unified light of “The One” shines brighter as well and makes the path to our journey home easier for all of us to see.