The Ego … Friend or Foe?

This simple answer is it can be both. I have said many times that our ego is not the enemy, and no matter how hard we try we can never eliminate it, nor would we want to. Our ego is part of the human experience. It differentiates us from each other and helps us define our place in this world. As the ego gets stronger so does our sense of self. A healthy ego helps us feel confident and proud of who we are and have become. Without a wholesome, powerful ego we might not find the necessary courage to stand with humility and pride, shine our soul’s light, and make a difference in the world.

I talk a lot about how the ego is the part of us that feels fear, and a life driven by fear will make accomplishing our soul’s purpose difficult. If a person’s life is far more ego-driven that soul-directed, then fear is much more likely to overwhelm us. Some fear, of course, is helpful like when we are in danger and need to flee from a potential threatening situation.

If, as we were growing up and our ego was evolving, we heard things, as I did, like the following, “Who do you think you are” or “Stop bragging! You are so conceited and full of yourself,” we might make ourselves small and downplay our accomplishments, just to be accepted and liked. In those cases, our ego or positive sense of self might be diminished. Being and expressing the magnificent being of light and love that we are may be suppressed. Our soul would then have a difficult time expressing that eternal part of who we are.

Last week’s blog was entitled Peace vs War = Soul vs Ego. That title, in retrospect does make the ego seem like an opponent or even the opposite of our soul. That is not my perspective. So, I’d like to take a moment to self- correct, and try to make myself more clear. In that blog, I talked about how I believe we are born with a sort of dimmer switch inside of us, for our soul’s light. That dimmer switch is our control over how much of our soul’s light we are able or willing to shine throughout our lives. If it is on maximum power, we are strongly aware of the presence of our Creator and spiritual team of light that guides us during our time here. Those of us on a fervent spiritual path, directed by the infinite light of the one energy that binds us to each other, usually have our inner light switch turned way up.

This week I was listening to a wonderful book by one of my favorite authors, Anita Moorjani. It is called Sensitive is the New Strong. In it she described the way she sees the ego and the soul in an amazing way. To my surprise, she also described a sort of dimmer switch for our soul’s light, but instead of a switch she used an image of a TV remote. I thought I came up with that idea all by myself which clearly, I didn’t. We both received the same information from the unified guidance system that we all have. This happens to me quite often which is truly miraculous.

However, she said there is not just one dimmer but two. There is one for the ego and one for the soul. Both, she offers needs to be turned to maximum for us to live our best lives and successfully accomplish our life purpose. I like that! Fear is only one aspect of our ego-mind. Yet, if fear becomes our common response to most life experiences, our ego can morph fully into fear itself. Our self-confidence may wane. Our self-compassion, self-forgiveness, empathy, and joy may also become hard to access. Those snarky voices from our childhood, that told us we weren’t good enough, or that other people were better than we were, may take up residence in our thoughts, and our lives can turn into a world of negativity and self-doubt.

So, what is the answer or answers to reining in the fear and allowing the strong, yet vulnerable ego to thrive. First, we must fully accept our ego as a necessary part of the human experience. During my meditation this morning I asked for guidance in helping us all understand this rather confusing topic. A dialog between my soul and my fearful ego ensued. I was made aware that this discussion occurred during a time before I understood the importance of a healthy, strong, and fearless ego. At that time, I feared speaking up and showing the world how wonderful I am, because I thought it would appear egocentric. I wasn’t egocentric then or now. Being egocentric, according to Moorjani, “involves being self-centered and self-serving, often to the detriment of others. Egocentric people frequently display a lack of empathy for the needs and feelings of others or the world at large.’

Here's the dialog.

“You are the perfect part of us, and I’ll never be able to achieve the goodness and beauty that you have,” my ego lamented. “I make so many mistakes and then you have to fix them for me and set me straight time after time. I’m so afraid I’ll never get it all right and stop making mistakes. I think that I should just get out of the way so you can do what you came here to do.”

“Being human is all about making mistakes, “my soul replied with compassion. We all fall down at times. It’s just important to get back up. Challenges are where the lessons and wisdom are hidden, and it is why I wanted to make this journey again.” “Souls and egos are joined together until the last earthly breath. We need each other to accomplish our mission here. I can’t fulfill my destiny as a soul without my compatible human counterpart, you. It’s ok to be afraid sometimes. This world can be harsh, unpredictable, and scary. I am always here, in your times of fear and distress, to help you remember your strength, courage, and tenacity. I will remind you of your intense compassion, ability to forgive easily, and the overwhelming love flowing out from your tender heart.”

The dialog ended by my meditation continued. I received images of all the good I’ve done, all the lives I’ve touched in a loving way, and all the light, together with my soul, I/we brought forth into this world so far. I could feel the tears fall on my cheeks as I felt the oneness of the energy of my soul, and that of my positive, courageous, and fearless ego. Self-forgiveness flowed like a river into my heart. Gratitude for all that I am and all that I can be, felt like an infusion of God’s Love. The dimmer light switch of my entire self, ego and soul, rose to maximum power. Tranquility and bliss settled over me like warm sunshine on a bright summer day and, I felt overwhelmed and embraced by the Infinite light the Divine. It was truly something.

Our strong, positive egos are, indeed, important to our souls. A healthy ego knows how to practice self-care and put itself first when it needs to, without feeling selfish. It, along with our soul, can help the part of us, let’s call it our “alter ego-self,” when it falls victim to fear and tries to send us spiraling out of control. I used to think denying my ego and hiding my divine power would make people like me and would help me avoid conflict. People did like me, and I had very little conflict outside of my difficult marriage. The problem was I didn’t like myself much, until I finally accepted my ego and allowed it to strut its stuff. Together, we make the best team.

Let us always love and honor every part of ourselves. Let us be grateful for the entire human experience, even the lesson -filled adversities and challenges. Let us try to do our best to still the fear when it rises by calling on our courageous, confident, and healthy ego, as well as our infinite, and loving soul. We got this!