As the old expression goes, “We are spiritual beings having a physical experience.”

What exactly does that mean and why is it important? I have discovered its meaning and realized its importance, through my practice of journaling over the years. The journals were rarely anything fancy. Today, I have an abundance of spiral bound notebooks, black and white ones, and many pieces of loose-leaf stashed in the pages of those random books. Writing was an exercise of exploration for me. When I was younger, I made some choices that led to much pain, confusion, and heartache. Back then, I thought they were “bad” choices. Today, I realize there are no good or bad choices, only opportunities to learn lessons, connect with our souls, and awaken to a higher level of consciousness and understanding. The choices I made along the pathway of my life throughout the years, were necessary, preordained, and a series of sacred contracts that were part of my soul’s plan.

When life felt like a dark, terrifying quagmire that, no matter which fork in the road I took, continued to lead to more tears, confusion, and bondage, I felt more and more hopeless. I was imprisoned in a jail of my making and isolated, much of the time, from the truth and wisdom held in the light-filled energy of my timeless soul.

When I picked up a pen and began to write, I moved from the lost and frightened young woman, who was Dru, to the calm, enlightened and loving sage that is my true self, my essential self, and my beingness. I shifted from unconsciousness to consciousness, from powerless to empowered, and from fear to love. The brilliant insights and inspiration that poured forth from what seemed to be a mysterious place, and filled the pages of my diaries, were exceedingly profound. I am sure some of what I wrote came from my team of light, as they tried to reach me through the darkness, I had become lost in. It was not an easy task since the dense, thick forest of despair, that kept me separated and alone, was murky, and chaotic with a dense fog of disconnection and illusion. The thick, wiry brush from seemingly immovable obstacles, and the downed trees from fallen dreams made finding my way out a monumental endeavor.

However, what became apparent, over the years, is that my soul was always there to lift me up and out of my pain and remind me of the truth of who I am and have always been, a divine being of love and intense light. She applauded my goodness and encouraged my lofty dreams of being of service and making a difference in the world. She was never judgmental, yet always forthright in her unwillingness to join me in my disfunction and self-pity. Instead, she emerged from beyond the limitations of my thinking mind and fearful ego, to fully embrace my consciousness and awareness. In those miraculous moments I, the mortal human being who was known as Drusilla Burrough, became the infinite and wise spiritual entity who knew no fear and basked in a tranquil and sublime other-worldly peace.

Ok so all of this sounds like a fairy tale and instant happy ending that led to an awakening and resulted in never falling into unconsciousness again. Unfortunately, for most of us, that is not the way it goes. It certainly did not for me. What I did not understand at the time was that I was sort of living a double life. On the one hand I connected with my soul’s light through meditation, writing and through my kindness toward others. On the other, I easily fell back into my sleepy unconsciousness and continued to be lost in the illusion that I, Dru was not good enough, and damaged through dysfunctional choices. I felt unworthy of owning the intense spiritual power that was consistently offered to me by my courageous soul, who was eager and ready to charge forward with her mission and life purpose.

As I emerged from a very dark night of my soul, things began to shift. I slowly began to understand that, just because we have a soul who inhabits our biological form, does not me we are united together and working as one. The human instincts of sheer survival, competitiveness, and egocentric behavior, that evolved from the beginning of our time on the earth plane, became imbedded deep in the psyche of our mass consciousness. That illusion of separation prevented us from embracing the strength and unified power found in our connection to each other. That kept us trapped in an endless loop of judgment, competition, jealousy and infighting with our fellow humans.

Where do we find the answer to our dilemma? It is found in the recognition that, it is important to have a complete merging, and a peaceful, consistent coexistence between our mortality and immortality, our humanness, and our beingness. We need to learn to differentiate the voice of our fearful, judgmental ego and that of our compassionate, kind, and loving soul. Once we breech that divide and fully solidify our once impermanent connection to both parts of our identity, we will never be bamboozled again. The human part and the being part will be integrated together becoming as one, and our wholeness will be understood. We were always whole and complete, we just forgot that truth. We can then stop the endless searching for the illusive “thing”, that unbeknownst to us, we have had all along, our eternal being. We will immediately realize the moment when we are falling from the seat of our soul, put on our ethereal seatbelt and stay put. We will comfort our frightened ego, as we would a terrified child, assuring it that we have or will have everything under control, and all is well.

Recently I came upon a journal from the early nineties. At the start of that decade, I was a mom to George Adam and Brittany. Alyssa, my third child, came into the world October 4, 1990.  My children were and still are the greatest blessings of my life. I adored being their mom and I worked hard to teach them kindness and self-love. Yet, at that time, I was personally and emotionally a hot mess. The details are not important, only the fact that I had no idea how to make sense of the crazy world I found myself in and discover why I was here. Yet my soul did! I would like to share this entry to demonstrate that the soul is always consistent and wise. I read some of these writings to my husband whom I met long after these words were written and he said, “You are the same person now as you were then.”  That statement is both true and untrue. My soul has not altered from her consistent and wise counsel. What has changed is that my soul has been able to fully merge with the brain chemistry, emotional tendencies, and sometimes chaotic human mind where my ego takes up residence. I am human and vulnerable to the instability and limitations of this physical existence. Yet, now my soul’s voice can always be heard through the challenges and turbulent times, as well as the joyful and jubilant ones. I now hear her, listen to her guidance and my life is much more balanced and peaceful.  

September 25, 1990 (10 days before Alyssa was born)

My format was to ask a question and then write what came through.

Me: What is peace?

My Soul: True peace is purely spiritual. It begins deep within your soul and radiates outward to touch all other aspects of your reality. This is because our Creator is peace and dwells within us. He/she is the ache, the longing, and the motivation that keeps us searching for the truth. Your angels, guides and soul continue whispering over and over, “The answers are not out there. They exist and have always existed in the core of your physical temple. Turn your eyes and your heart inward and feel the peace that has always beckoned you from the time of your birth and beyond.”

With your awareness, reach inside and touch the limitless power of your true self. Bring it forth, touch it, feel it, and allow it to replace your confusion with wisdom and understanding. Then go forward and teach for that is your destiny and purpose. You have many gifts to give like insight, self-expression, articulation, compassion, and a warmth that radiates outward and draws to you many souls who are seeking truth in the way that you are. Do not worry that you don’t have all the answers right now. You do not need to! Some answers are a part of you now and some will be given to you by your spiritual guidance system. The answers and wisdom will emerge at the exact moment you need them while in the service of others. Be prepared to be not only a teacher but a student as well. As you teach, listen to your own voice. For in those words, you will learn a great many mystical truths. Those truths will clear away the darkness of your unknowingness, and in its place, plant seeds of light, rebirth, and remembrance.